Bathing in Forgiveness

A few years ago, I wrote a short piece called “Hurt people hurt people.” I was encouraging people who were emotionally bruised to choose to walk in healing instead of their hurt. It was easy advice to give at the time, but much harder to follow, especially now that I have experienced much hurt and offense.

Offense happens when we experience a particular event or series of events and make a judgement that is informed by something other than God’s love. Often our pain is rooted in pride, the desire for validation by something or someone other than God.

Hurt people, hurt people – and they also judge people. Because we are hurt, we hurt others, whether it be intentional or not.

I have been judged.

It started small. In the beginning, they called me a lost sheep, or a prodigal son. Since, then I’ve been called Judas, Jezebel, Absalom, Cain… I’ve been kicked while I was down. This hurt …and it made me mad.

I have judged.

Does my pain give me a right to pass judgement on those that have hurt me?

No.

There is a difference between telling my story and allowing it to be redeemed versus presumptively telling the story of another while condemning them and their experiences.

I have a story. We all have stories.

Where do our stories intersect? Which chapters are mine to tell and which chapters shall I allow God to tell? Which chapters aren’t even written yet?

My story has taken me to places that I would never have gone, and allowed me to learn things about myself that I would never have learned had I not kept turning the page.

Would I change any part of my story? No. Not for the world.

But if I’ve attacked you for your tradition, your religion, or the things you hold dear, I have something to say.

I’m sorry. Sorry I hurt you.

These are hard words to say, but I am no longer afraid to say them. I’ve been learning to say sorry more, choosing to walk in the redemption of Jesus instead of the condemnation of the evil one.

The church could learn to say these words more often, too. We are washed in God’s love and forgiveness. The church should bathe itself in forgiveness instead of wallowing in offense.

I am the church. You are the church. We are the church. When we bathe in the forgiveness of Jesus, let’s remember to drain the water and clean the tub. If we don’t let go of the filth that is washed off in forgiveness, we can emerge from the healing waters more dirty than when we entered them.

There is a distinct difference between saying “sorry I hurt you” and “sorry you were hurt by me.” Saying, “sorry, I…” takes responsibility for causing pain whereas “sorry, you…” just casts more blame.

If you feel hurt by the things I’ve done, said or written, then I honor your perspective and your pain and own the responsibility of causing it.

Sorry I hurt you.

If we are to create a culture of forgiveness rather than a culture of conflict, we must learn to appreciate and accept the differences we find in each other.  There are some things that we will never see eye to eye on again, and that’s okay! Sometimes, we really do need to “agree to disagree.”

I will continue to pursue the truth about our purpose for life, our relationship with God and what it means to be the church; but as I journey I will try to keep the love of Jesus and our Father in heaven more central in the message I share.

Maybe you won’t be able to accept my apologies, maybe you are readying your response, your defensive, retaliatory attack.

That’s okay, fire away.

I forgive you …as I have been forgiven.

Peace.